Fear and Fortune
by Ice Goliath
Summary: I'm a coward and a traitor. A coward for running and a traitor for falling in love with you.
1. Black and blonde

Black and Blonde

Selphie ran, skidding on the rain slicked cobbles. Her heart pounding so hard that she swore it would explode out her chest.

Rain glittered in the dull yellow glow of the street lights as it fell from the night sky. Puddles splashed up her jeans, as she pounded through them, muddy water soaking into her canvas trainers.

Chic boutique mannequins in swathes of material that she could only dream of wearing stared mournfully from behind tinted windows. Rain pounded on upturned tables and chairs outside canopy covered cafes, beating on the metal like kettledrums.

Still she ran into the dark, turning down alley after alley to loose her pursuers in the maze of backstreets.

She skidded to a halt, pausing for breath next to a crumbling wall. Hiding in shadow. Clothes damp from sweat and rain, fusing to her body like a second skin. She shivered. Her fingers closed around the knife in her hand, the blade glinting under a pink neon pawn shop sign.

A Seed reaction to an unfamiliar place, but she wasn't Seed anymore.

Her heart still beat wildly emulating the resonating puddles by her feet. From her place in the shadows she listened for footsteps, for skitting metal of a kicked can, an angry voice. Nothing.

She breathed out and slid into the neon light.

An overwhelming feeling of desperation pulsed and joined with the heaviness her stomach. A glance at her surroundings confirmed her suspicions that she was somewhere she didn't want to be.

North Deling was a shit hole. An image that had practically rammed down her throat by staff at the Galbadia Hotel. They even had a sign in the lobby, not exactly those words, more advising you to keep valuables out of sight and to lock your car doors.

Not that she paid much attention, just wanting to have a hot shower and something to eat. Three months without luxuries was way too long. She had let the shower wash away the traces of the past and changed into a fresh set of clothes from her canvas rucksack.

The hotel restaurant was unashamedly pastel peach and reminded her of Zell's Ma's living room curtains. Waiters ignored her as they weaved their way potted palms to serve guests already seated.

She was seated behind a large fern and studied the leather bound menu.

The tranquil ambiance rudely interrupted by a man she had never met. He yelled at her and started to vault tables to cross the room. Sensing danger, she had palmed a steak knife from a neighbouring table.

All she could do was run until searing pain crept up her calves and she had to slow, hearing nothing but her own panting breath.

Without concealing her knife she jogged down the alley, sticking to the shadows.

One foot caught behind the other in her haste and she fell forward onto the stone, hands first, the vibrations powering up her arms as she landed. She watched in dismay as the knife left her grip and skidded away into the dark.

Out the corner of her eye she saw a light that was unlike the street lamps or the neon signs. She gingerly rose to her feet and keeping to the shadows hobbled in the direction of the light.

"Be careful" Squall's voice hissed in her head. "Remember the Seed regulations."

For once his voice helpful rather than a hindrance.

She had no idea how long it took to get there, just followed the deep bass beat that felt like it was coming from the centre of the earth.

Her foot slipped at the pavement fell away to her left, revealing stone steps, which lead to a heavy wooden door. A slit half way up that looked like a post box was too high for her to look into.

A high pitched squeak grabbed her attention. A wooden sign with blurred lettering was being beaten back and forth like a rubber ball. She managed to piece together the letters. The Last Resort.

The door flew open and a bearded man in a crumpled suit rushed outside. He was shaking his fist at the door and shouting in a language that was unfamiliar.

A piece of white paper fluttered to the ground as he passed her.

Her heart was back in her throat. The anticipation she used to get before a mission, when she used to get so nervous she would throw up, but was three years ago. At that second she stepped forwarded and slithered between the door and the frame. It slammed shut behind her and left her in darkness. She followed the bass beat down the slight slope of the damp corridor.

The music gathered more coherence the further she walked; reminding her of the heavy rock that Zell used to play when he was training. She smiled as she hit the dull light.

The room was virtually empty, only a few people waiting to get served at the bar by a red haired man with dreadlocks and a body to match Raijin.

Round dark wood tables placed in no particular order around the room were adorned with overflowing ashtrays and empty pint glasses. The music coming from a fully amped up juke box at the far side of the room under some scary looking gothic style lamps. They were the only light in the place, all natural light blocked out by thick black curtains.

She turned to the left, a small door catching her attention, men filtering in and out. A beat of indecision extinguished, she followed two men down the steps into the dark and realised where everyone had gone

Crowds filled out the stands surrounding a rectangular sunken pit. Two women in nothing more than bikini's raked the sand. She couldn't recognise a single language; they all amalgamated together into a big jumble of babbling. She didn't recognise any nationality either. It seamed that every type of person on the planet had crammed themselves into the basement to watch whatever spectacle this was.

Flaming torches loomed at each corner of the pit, casting ugly shadows. The smell of greasy food only just overwhelmed the sweat of men in wrinkled open shirts that showed unpleasantly damp chest hair or others in business suits who looked like frequented the bar for business lunches and stayed for the entertainment.

Selphie hid in the shadows to avoid being shoved into a table occupied by bearded men in cowboy hats and to be mistaken for entertainment. She looked around the bar and observed men in sharp black suits weave their way through the audience to the punters who were waving rolls of cash in the air. They removed immaculate notebooks from their pockets, wrote the bets and placed the notes into leather wallets. So professional and organised, not a low budget outfit by all accounts.

On the wall next to the pit, white name plaques were being placed seductively on the scoreboard by the two women.

The crowd whistled and hollered, probably the only flesh that they had seen up close in years they didn't have to pay for.

The noise slowly descended to nothing as two men stepped into the pit. They were both wearing long shorts, showing torso's sculptured by training. They faced each other with their hands outstretched, comparing glares and poker faces. The women appeared again and started to wrap white tape slowly around their hands.

The compare lifted the men's arm when he said their names. Selphie couldn't catch them over the cat calling, but from her position in the shadows, she could see that one was blonde and the other has a pair of black Angel Wings tattooed on his back and towered over the other by at least a foot.

Angel Wings took first strike, a hefty right hook to the side of the blonds face.

It met its mark, forcing him to stagger backwards with pain and surprise, before smirking and wiping his split lip with the back of his hand.

She saw him mouth some words and Angel Wings jab with his right hand out of anger. The result hitting nothing but air as the blonde slipped past, using the momentum to twist his bodyweight away before pounding his opponent's side until he buckled and fell off balance, open to a left cross to the face.

His nose shattered, blood sprayed over his chest.

Spatter landed on the sand. The crowd cheered.

They ducked and weaved, parrying the odd kick to the thigh, the blonde leaning forward to grab Angel Wings in a headlock. Angel Wings slid to avoid, landing a one, two to the gut and a hook to the eye. The force split the skin, blood cascaded down the blonde's face temporarily blinding him.

He staggered, eye bulging, bare feet raking through the sand. The crowd collectively inhaled.

He waited in the silence, whirling around as soon as he heard a noise, kicking his opponent's knees. As the opponent bucked, he grabbed Angel Wings in a headlock and delivered two jabs to the face before dropping him on the sand.

Angel Wings, who feigned the drop, was already winding his arm, and narrowing his eyes, his face becoming redder by the second.

A cartoon sprang to mind as Angel Wings threw an uncontrolled haymaker; it was swiftly parried by an open handed block, then an uppercut to the stomach that lifted Angel Wings at least an inch off the floor and a left hook to the temple.

Angel Wings dropped and lay still. The crown finally exhaled, but remained silent. The whole thing was over in minutes.

"That all you've got?"

The blonde spat blood onto the sand and kicked his opponent.

Selphie, from her corner heard the voice exuded authority and sneer at the same time. It sounded oddly familiar.

The referee walked over and look the pulse of the fallen opponent, then raised his hand. The crowd cheered.

The room had mostly cleared when Selphie crept from her hiding place. She saw the blonde in a dark corner talking to a short rotund man. She edged closer. His resemblance to a gorilla appearing to overcompensate for the lack of hair on his head. He passed over a small damp looking roll of cash. The blond practically snatched it out of his hand, undid the roll and counted it slowly. He touched every piece as if someone would dare cheat him.

"It's all there" he simpered, his voice as slick as his hair.

"Better had be"

Again the sneer was pronounced. Selphie followed him upstairs to confirm her suspicions.

The blonde stuffed the roll roughly into the pocket of his shorts and sauntered over to one of the round tables at the edge of the room. He pulled up a chair that screeched across the floor and sat down.

He frowned and started to unwind the blood spattered tape from around his hands.

She watched at the red-haired waiter crossed the room in the blonde's direction, holding a bottle of beer.

"I'll take that" She said, grabbing it out of his hand "I'm an old friend."

The waiter let it go with surprise.

The song on the juke box changed to a ballad as she weaved around the drunks and the now bored or disappointed business men.

She slid into an empty seat at the table. He didn't look up, even when the bottle of liquid was violently placed in front of his face.

"Hello Seifer, it's been a while"

He looked up and blinked a couple of times. She noticed the puffiness of an impending bruise around his left eye and a ragged cut. Small globules of congealed blood clung to his split lip. He looked flushed, even more so that when he fought with his precious gun blade.

His eyes were full of questions. She slowly realised that he didn't recognise her.

It had been five years, but she was sure she hadn't changed that much. True, she was soaking wet, her hair was longer and she must have an older looking face, but this was annoying. How could he not remember her?

She scrunched up her face.

"Quit being such a meenie"

She regretted the regression as soon as she said it.

"Messenger girl?"

Finally. She rolled her eyes.

"How the hell did you find me?"

Not the reaction she'd hoped for. She smiled sweetly, and took the bottle from the table. He glared with disgust as she downed it in four long gulps and put it back in front of him.

"See you around Seif"

She said, moving her chair with a screech and leaving, not looking back.

He mentally kicked himself. How could he have been so stupid. He should have ignored her. Now they'll be back to take him in or kill him. One way or the other he would never be free again. Rage boiled under his skin. Who the hell did she think she was anyway? Turning up, ruining the semblance of normality that he'd worked so hard to build. He would have to leave and this time really he didn't feel like it.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

After asking half of Deling by giving them vague directions, Selphie found 'The Last Resort' a couple of nights later, hidden between two tall buildings. It seemed a lot smaller in the evening light.

She crept silently down the steep stone steps and pushed the door open slowly. It complained and creaked as she pushed herself through the small gap.

The smell of stale tobacco smoke and sweat still floated like a fog. She could almost feel it slowly permeating her clothes and settling on her skin.

Torn edges of neon band posters pinned to the wooden pillars fluttered under the air conditioning. Her head spun as she slid around the tables and chairs, covered in glasses and greasy chip baskets.

She slunk into the shadows. Heartbeat joining with the bass that pulsed through the floor, juke box playing softly to the non-existent crowd.

Beaten up leather covered stools sat vacant by the dark wood bar. Bottles of spirits standing to attention, on the shelves behind, labels facing forward.

The clock above the doorway behind the bar was the only thing that looked out of place. So covered in grease, that she couldn't see the time.

A creak echoed around the room competing with the music. She turned towards the noise and her heart clenched in her chest. Seifer emerged from the doorway to the underground room and crossed to the bar with powerful strides whilst peeling white tape from his hands. A towel which was probably white once was flung around his shoulders. He roughly rubbed his head before throwing the bandages and the towel behind the bar, disappearing through the the door under the clock. He emerged 20 minutes later in low cut blue jeans, an olive green t-shirt and black trainers, wet hair flopping in front of his eyes.

Creeping closer she noticed that his lower lip was an ugly aubergine purple and the cut above his eye held together by a thin strip of white tape.

Her heart contorted, an inner bubble of compassion threatened to burst.

He floated from table to table piling up the glasses into towers and carrying two against his shoulders to the bar before dismantling them.

He stretched to grab some bottles from the top shelf, the effort eliciting various curses.

She watched the intricate dance around the tables emptying and wiping ashtrays. He seemed to glow under the lights, blonde hair shining like a halo.

Her heart started beating faster as she shuffled across the room, settling herself on a bar stool.

He returned to the bar with chip baskets and set them down. Looking to his left he finally realised she was there.

"Hey Seif" She said "You're on the wrong side of the bar"

He snarled

"I work here"

He didn't bother to look at her that time; Selphie raised an eyebrow and carried on watching him fill the glass washer.

"You here to gawp or buy a drink?"

"Martini, hold the olive"

She smiled sweetly as which he snorted and turned away, returning a few minutes later with a glass of red liquid complete with olive. Opening her mouth to object, she found he had gone. She scrunched her face up in disgust and picked out the offending article and dumped it in the ashtray.

She drank the concoction and found that it was perfect, which was more that could be said for the service.

Selphie left her drink at the bar and turned her attention to the juke box. It was now playing thrash metal, something she hated. She pushed some money in the slot before choosing her favourite song. Techno was banned by the disciplinary committee after Seifer decided it hurt his ears. It was odd that the memory even occurred to her.

"You still here?"

She looked in the direction of the voice. Seifer was coming out the door behind the bar. It was more of an accusation than a question.

"They do better cocktails down the road"

"I like the atmosphere"

"Just don't talk to me"

"Asshole" she mouthed as he turned to serve the people who had arrived and were waiting patiently on the other barstools.

He smiled to himself, but it quickly disappeared off his face.

"Who put on this shit?"

The tone of his voice made everyone jump. He's finally noticed the music. Revenge was sweet.

It took several hours and at least seven martinis for Selphie to dare to talk to him again. Half lidded and slipping slightly off the bar stool, she put her elbows on the bar itself. It was something she had tried to avoid all night, having been in other bars. To her surprise, it wasn't caked in a sticky substance.

"You take pride in your work" she slurred as he walked past carrying clean ashtrays.

The observation made him pause before swapping her olive filled ashtray and going back behind the bar.

"So, this is where you've been hiding. Do you know how long we hunted for you?"

He felt his heart tighten, trying his best to conceal it and formulate a response.

"You found me; I obviously wasn't trying hard enough. Will any one else be showing their faces?"

He raised his voice for the last part, an attempt at bravado.

"No it's only me. I just wanted to say hi. No longer Seed you see." She replied morosely, running her finger around her now empty cocktail glass.

Seifer poured himself a drink from an optic, downed it and poured himself another.

"You've made me want to drink myself the death. Job done, you can leave now"

"I've got nowhere to go"

Selphie got up unsteadily, walked to the door and promptly fell into a pillar.

"Shit" she hissed, feeling stupid for making a fool out of herself.

She stood up as straight as she could.

"See you around."

She put her hand up as a goodbye and shuffled out the door.

Selphie awoke to the sound of sirens, feeling like two large stainless steel needles were being slowly inserted through her temples.

She opened her eyes slowly to be almost blinded by the light that filtered through the curtains half expecting Quistis to be standing over her, hands on hips, the best teacher look in her repertoire on her face.

Selphie recollected the stern lecture she received after a Christmas party. One on responsibility and personal reputation.

All she could remember of that night was that she'd spent the entire time in a drunken lip lock with Irvine after stealing his hat and threatening his date with a bowl of potato salad. Funnily enough, they got together that night, but that's beside the point. Since then she hadn't really drunk much.

She faded back into sleep, letting the hangover ease. There wouldn't be a Quisty to argue with that morning, no Zell to give her sympathy.

She sat up and immediately regretted it. Her brain rattling around in her skull. She was still dressed, lying on top of the covers, a cool breeze floating through the open window.

She felt like she had crossed a desert in the seconds it took to get to the bathroom. Dry swallowing two painkillers she stared at herself in the mirror and wondered what Seifer had thought of her. Not the best impression.

The headache abated hours later, leaving a sadly familiar hollow feeling in her stomach. It rumbled, reminding her that she hadn't eaten since lunch the day before. She craved pancakes, an overload of carbs the best way she'd found to get rid of a hangover.

The sun was high in the the sky by the time she felt stable enough to creep outside, it was warm and her coat was quickly discarded from her shoulders as she shuffled down the back streets. The cobbles uneven beneath her feet.

The weapon shop was cool, she shivered under the air conditioning. Behind a glass counter, a man with a leathery face and a long white beard was polishing a small gun with a cloth. His voice was rough as he hummed along to a song that was playing faintly on the old fashioned radio behind him.

She coughed and he looked up.

"Can I help you?"

"Do you service weapons?"

"Sure I do little lady."

"How much?"

"Straight down to business. 50 bucks. Parts extra"

The telephone rang. It's tone competing with the buzz of the air conditioning.

"Be right back."

The man picked up the phone, and started talking in a language she didn't know.

Selphie looked around the room. Rifles hung horizontally on racks from the wall. Swords hung vertically, points down on the other. A cork board covered in posters for weapons events and magazine offers in the spaces on the wall, covering peeling paint.

The shopkeeper put the phone down with a slam onto the base, making her jump.

"Sorry about that."

Selphie looked up to face him and a shining object caught her eye. A gun blade in a glass case.

She walked up to it and peered through the glass. She blinked once, twice. Couldn't be.

S.A. engraved into the handle.

"That turned up on the doorstep five years ago." Said the old man.

He strode over to her.

"Why hasn't it sold?"

"It has, many times."

The man opened the case and removed the blade

"But they have always bring it back and say that it doesn't work properly."

"I'll take it. I know exactly who can get it to work."

The blade was wrapped up in a box and she handed over 8000 bucks.

"Can you deliver it for me?"

"Where does it need to go? Do you have a message?"

"To the Last Resort."

"The bar in the north?"

The man frowned

"The message needs to say 'surprise'

The man shook his head.

"Ok little lady."

Selphie left the building, her smile getting bigger with every step.


	3. When she falls

When she falls...

She heard an angry knock at her hotel room door and leant over to look at the clock.

"3.00 in the morning, where's the fire?"

She sat up slowly and grabbed her dressing gown from her bedside chair. She put it on over the black Chocobo pyjamas that Zell had bought her a few Christmases before.

Selphie walked across the room. The knocking got louder and came in measured thumps

"Hang on"

She opened the door suspiciously leaving the chain attached to the doorframe. A hand forced itself through the small gap and Selphie jumped back to avoid its grip.

"I just want to talk to you messenger girl"

"Seify, is that you?"

"Yes, Selphie" He sounded like he was making an effort to keep calm.

Once upon a time, she would have been ecstatic that he called her by her name, but the way he said it was sinister.

"You can tell me from there." Her voice wavering

"Open the fucking door."

"I don't think I will."

She pulled the door shut, slamming Seifer's hand in the door. She heard cursing, but turned and went back to bed.

The knocking continued, Selphie stared at the ceiling and wondered why no-one had called security. She put a pillow over her head and tried to ignore the continuous banging. After what felt like seconds, she gazed over at the hotel issue bedside clock. 4.15. The noise had stopped.

She got out of bed and gingerly padded across the room in bare feet and opened the door.

She spotted him sitting on the floor of the hallway, holding his injured hand.

"What do you want" He snapped

"Now you've had a chance to calm down, would you like a beer? I can take a look at your hand." She said the words in the best Quistis voice she could. He got up and sloped after her into the room and shut the door.

"You are either incredibly brave or incredibly stupid."

She shrugged and opened the minibar, removing two bottles of beer and pouring them into the hotel issue cups from the bathroom, not trusting the hopefully reformed homicidal maniac with a bottle and not wanting him to think think that she was suspicious of him. She rooted around in her ruck sack for the small first aid kit that had saved her more than once on her journey. He sat down on the chair by the small desk in the corner.

Pulling out a roll of bandages, knelt down in front of him, gently took his hand and squeezed his fingers. He grimaced and a sly smile graced her features.

"They're not broken"

He rolled his eyes, then flexed his fingers slowly.

"I know"

"Fine, I won't bother then" She put the bandages back in the box.

Selphie kicked him off the chair, watching him land on his injured fingers. Grabbing her beer she sank onto the bed, liquid sloshing around in the thin blue plastic.

"So, what do you want?"

He got up and loomed over her.

"I don't accept charity."

"What are you on about?"

"Hyperion." He snapped

"Think of it as a gift."

"I don't accept gifts either. I don't accept anything from anyone. Then I would owe something."

"You don't owe me anything."

Selphie sipped her beer and he sat next to her. The plastic tainting every mouthful. She'd forgotten how stubborn he was.

"I like to be on my own."

"Fine" She said running out of patience "Pawn the weapon that makes you who you are. It was how you were able to protect others in the beginning. It wasn't the Gunblade that killed those people, that was you."

She reached over and poked him in the chest with her finger. "And from what I've seen. You're not that person anymore"

"What if I use it and become that person again?"

The conversation was starting to sound like an alcoholics anonymous meeting.

"Just have some self control. You didn't hurt me, that's a start."

"Suppose so"

He waved his hand dismissively, downed his beer and got up.

"See you around messenger girl."

The door slammed, then he was gone.

Selphie revved the engine of the rental car. The sun wasn't even up and she was sat outside the 'Last Resort' in a red convertible, hoping that Seifer's work ethic had got him into work early.

She hadn't seen him since the night at the hotel, in fact it had been weeks. A very unfamiliar ache in her heart had taken over, an ache she hadn't felt for years. It felt quite odd.

She sounded the horn a few times. The bleary eyed blonde in his usual jeans and t-shirt virtually crawled up the steps and glared at the car. Only a faded yellow bruise on his cheekbone evidence of his second occupation.

"What do you want?"

"Get in" she shouted over the roar of the engine

He opened the passenger side door and got in, eyeing her suspiciously. She screeched off into the countryside.

"Where the hell did you learn to drive?"

She scowled at him and sped up, smashing through the shrubbery in her wake and kicking up dust on the country road.

The landscape started to look unfamiliar to him, the farther they traveled from the city.

There had been reasons why he hadn't left for years. It was all her fault. Ruining his plans.

Selphie parked the car on a grassy hill and got out.

"You coming or not?"

He followed her onto the sand and up another hill. She stopped at the top and smiled at him.

"Why did you bring me up here?"

"Galbadia is in the East, Winhill is in the South and Ethar is still across the ocean."

"What's your point?"

"What happened to you?. That fire you had has burnt out." She said, pointing at him accusingly. "I know you felt alone and afraid, but that's ok"

The scowl changed to a glare.

"Fine, you understand me. What next? Are you going to tell me my fortune? What makes you right?"

How dare she bring him out here.

"Personal experience" She said, turning back towards the car. She shut the door, started the car and left him alone on the sand.

"Goddamn cryptic." he shouted at the retreating car. Taking a cigarette out of the packet in his pocket, he lit it and started the long walk back to the city.

"Bitch" He said under his breath. He smiled to himself as he got to the outskirts. "At least she did it with style" he muttered.

He was really beginning to like her. No-one had cared this much for a long time


	4. she falls hard

She falls hard

His mouth went dry as soon as she walked in. A somewhat unusual reaction and quite different to the one she left him with three days earlier. His gut clenched. He'd actually missed her. Then again he had always had strange taste in women.

Selphie sat at the bar, idly running her finger around her cocktail glass, elbows on the wood. She looked down, trying to avoid the looks from the others in the bar. Again, the only woman in the place.

He spent a few moments watching her as he pulled a pint. How her hair fell in front of her eyes. How she would fiddle with her sleeves and nibble her nails. Any facade of confidence melting away.

"Why is the clock so dirty and everything else so clean?"

Her question was not at anyone in particular. More of a quiet musing.

"It's psychological."

She looked up and saw Seifer standing over her on the other side of the bar.

"If the punters can't see the time, they have an excuse to stay as long as they like."

"What about the ones with watches?"

"Look around. Do you think any one around here wears one?"

"Good point" She grinned "Do you realise that it applies to me too."

Her grin wavered, waiting for the inevitable sarcasm

"I was counting on it."

She opened her mouth to answer, but found he had walked away.

Selphie removed the cherry from her red eye mojito and pulled it from the stalk with her teeth. She looked up to find him staring, then looking away to pour a drink for an old man at the bar.

She sipped her drink and listened to the ringing of the till, looking up to find him directly on front of her, leaning over the bar. His facial expression, a warped smile of someone who didn't do it often enough.

"What?"

He watched as she drained her glass, then reached under the counter and brought out another one.

"What's that?"

"A cocktail"

"I know that!" She snapped. "Why is it in front of me?"

"I bought it for you?"

The smile was back in the style that didn't suit him. Her eyes narrowed with suspicion.

"Thanks."

She took a small sip and let the liquid slide down her throat. He was still smiling and it made her feel more than a bit uncomfortable.

"What?"

"Go out to dinner with me."

It was more of a statement than a question. It took a few seconds for his words to sink in.

"You don't even like me." She spluttered

"What gave you that idea?

His smirk got wider, she snorted in disbelief.

"You can't buy me off with drinks you know?"

He put his hand in his pocket, then slid two piece of paper across the bar.

"How about tickets to the Mayor's ball tomorrow night?"

"How did you get these?"

"Royalty with a gambling problem, but lets keep that our little secret."

He reached over and pressed his finger against her lips.

He smirked at the expression of shock of her face and took her empty glass away. He still had it.

Selphie held up the hem of her lemon yellow silk dress that clung in all the right places as she picked her way over the cobbles towards the Mayor's hall.

The kitten heels of her matching shoes catching in the gaps and ruining the pedicure she got so bored having done. She'd even gone to the hairdresser and witnessed the stylist finger her poor abused hair, before chopping it off and delicately curling it.

All this effort to prove to an ex-homicidal maniac that she could be glamorous. The world wasn't quite right.

She had even gone shopping for the dress. She stood under the lights by the doorway, basking in the admiring glances and feeling for once that she didn't look too bad.

She reached into her clutch bag - the most useless bag in the world - to find her lipstick, she started to re-apply it, the complexities of lipstick still in the back of her mind.

She looked up to see a figure in dark clothes. A top hat perched on his head, the tails of his tailcoat moving in the wind as he walked towards her.

"Is that you Selphie?" the figure whispered

"Who do you think it is?"

Seifer genuflected with his top hat.

"My lady."

He offered her his arm. She smiled, slowly realising that his voice held none of the usual sarcasm.

She took his arm and they walked up the stone steps, through the door of the hall. They emerged through the purple velvet curtains and threw the invitations at the man in purple velvet by the door.

A violinist played a haunting melody as they entered, joined by the rest of the 30 piece orchestra in the corner of the ballroom.

Dancers in ball gowns and tuxedo's looked like they had performed the dances all their lives. Other guests wore masks glittering like gold and adorned with feathers. Heels clicked in the wooden floor over which shadows cast by the candlelight chandeliers flickered.

She smiled to herself as she watched the other guests and turned to face Seifer, but he was gone.

She scanned the crowd, finally spotting his blonde hair. He was coming towards her holding two glasses of punch. She took the cup of red liquid and poked the lemon that was floating on top.

"No olive I promise"

She laughed and sipped the punch.

"We should have brought masks"

"And look like those idiots." He sneered "I still know exactly who they are."

"Go on then."

"What?"

"Who is that guy dancing with that blonde in the blue dress?"

Selphie pointed discreetly at a short man in a red tuxedo and thought he looked like a tomato. He was dancing with a woman who would tower over him in bare feet, but in stilettos she was gigantic.

"He runs a bar in the south and that's not his wife."

"Scandalous" Selphie snorted "What about that guy?"

The person she picked in was leaning against a pillar, his mask around his neck and hair that looked like he had fallen through a hedge backwards. His lopsided grin never wavered as he took a cigarette from behind his ear and tried in vain to light it.

"Mayor's nephew. The family black sheep. Rumour was that he stole the family silver and legged it to Ethar."

"Ok, that one."

A willowy brunette sliding up to the black sheep looked as out of it as he was.

"Nephew's latest fling. Only 19, arrested for minor theft a few times, shit like that. Mayor always stumps up bail."

"You have to be making all of this up."

"Hello, 5 years in the best bar in Deling"

Selphie rolled her eyes at the terrible impression of her.

"Everyone at my bar have deep dark secrets." He said the last three words slowly. She shivered.

Suddenly the orchestra in the corner of the room changed tempo and the dancers changed their steps. Selphie downed her drink and felt her brain tingle. The feeling reached her fingers.

"I know this one." said Selphie in surprise. "Do you want to dance?"

"I don't dance" Seifer scowled, took her cup from her and walked away.

"What was the point of coming to a ball, where there would be dancing?" She called after him.

He turned back.

"You wanted to come."

"You're lucky I couldn't fit a weapon in this bag." she muttered to herself.

She sat down on a purple velvet covered chaise lounge and applied her lipstick again. She was well practiced in the art of waiting, having dated Irvine, but for some reason that escaped her she was more disappointed now, than when he stood her up on her birthday.

"Would you like to dance?"

It was a new voice, a male one, but not the one of her date, if you could call it that.

A hand slid into her peripheral vision. It was pale, slender and immaculately manicured and looked like the person who possessed it hadn't done a day's hard labour in his life. It also occurred to her that she liked the way Seifer's hand was calloused from hard work. But, he'd gone and left her.

She took the offered hand and gazed up. She must be a magnet for haughty looking blondes.

"My name is Christopher"

She smiled at her, his brown eyes shining. Then he kissed her hand. She breathed in deeply.

"I'm Selphie."

She let him guide her to the dance floor. He seemed nice and she was sure he wasn't a homicidal maniac, at least he didn't look like one.

He guided her into his arms and she was about to make the first steps when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

Christopher's face paled and he emitted an unmanly squeak.

"There's been a mistake."

He rushed off in the opposite direction. She looked up to see Seifer.

"My reputation obviously proceeds me. Shall we dance?"

He put his arm around her waist and let the other one rest gently on her shoulders.

"I thought you didn't dance?" She whispered in his ear.

He didn't answer, just turned her face up with with his finger and lightly kissed her.

She felt shivers cascade up her spine, she leant into his arms and smiled, letting the music play around her.

"Lets get out of here." she whispered into his ear.

The music crashendo'd.

She grabbed hold of his sleeve, dragged him into the cold night air and took off her shoes.

"Thank God for that, I nearly broke my neck in those"

She threw them at Seifer, ran down the steps and danced on the cobbles.

"Let's go to the bar." She said mid spin.

"No-one takes their date to work"

Selphie raised an eyebrow

"Why d'you think I've been so polite tonight?"

"That was polite?"

"Best I can do" He threw her shoes back to her.

"We are all dressed up and looking pretty. Can't go home now."

She skipped over to him, went up on tiptoes and kissed him on the lips.

He half smiled at her enthusiasm, picked her up in a bridal lift and carried her down the road, shoes in her hand by the straps hitting him in the side at every step.

He dropped her on a barstool and went behind the bar coming back round with a bottle of green liquid and two shot glasses.

He sat next to her, pouring two shots and sliding a glass to her along the bar.

"You look good like that" He said "in a dress"

"I used to wear dresses, you just never noticed."

"You were just a kid."

Selphie snorted at the remark.

"And, you were just an asshole."

She downed her shot, the lemon sherbet tanginess fizzing on her tongue.

"You know, you used to scare me." She continued

"I don't anymore?"

"I've seen you dance."

He downed his shot, slamming the glass down on the bar,

"What are you doing here?"

"I ran away. Just like you. I travelled for a while, then ended up here."

He poured another two shots. They downed them both together.

Selphie leant over her breath close to his ear.

"I want you you stay with me."

She licked her lips slowly and looked him straight in the eye. Lips curled into a smirk as if she already knew the effect she would have on him. His gaze morphed into one of surprise as she brushed her lips against his own.

They stood next to the balcony window that overlooked the city streets, moonlight filtering thought the window.

The surprise never wavered when the ran her fingers lightly down his face.

He breathed out, not even realising that he had been holding his breath.

"Selphie" he murmured "You're such a tease."

She leant forward to kiss him again without saying a word, savouring the touch of his skin and the way his lips moved against hers.

Brain synapses firing like lightening, her senses breathing in the smell of coconut and cigarettes. The close proximity drowning any judgement in a fog of longing.

The surface of her skin glowing with a pink flush prickling in anticipation. He bent his head to the side and gently nipped her neck.

The pink flush tinged deeper as his hand trailed it's way down her back, the light pressure through her clothes made her breathe harder.

Life jumped back into focus momentarily like a flickering television. She could feel the spiky growth of beard grate against her face

His slightly calloused hands caressed her shoulder as he glided behind her and slowly released the zip on her dress. It floated delicately to the ground and pooled at her feet. She let him guide her gently to the bed.

She lay in his arms, a thin layer of sweat veiling over her skin.

If she has not seen who lay next to her first hand she never would have believed it herself.

"He tried to kill you"

Squalls voice entered her head, popping in there when he wasn't wanted. She pushed his voice into the back of her mind, into the depths where a night of drunken karaoke also lay.

"Seif?"

He rolled over face her and opened one eye.

"What?"

"Have you ever wanted to leave?"

"Leave the city? Not really."

"Why not?"

"There was nothing left in Balamb for me since the committee disbanded. No-one here looks at me and recognises me for all the things I've done in the past. It's like they don't even care. If I keep my head down and don't cause trouble, its like I don't exist."

"Oh, ok" She sounded a little disappointed, but snuggled into his arms.

She awoke at what felt like seconds later facing the bland hotel issue clock. After gazing at it through bleary sleep filled eyes, she finally realised that the little red blobs were in fact numbers and that they were trying to tell her the time.

"Great" She spat as soon as she realised why it was a bit odd that she could see the clock.

He'd gone. Maybe he hadn't changed after all, he'd got what he'd wanted and then left.

A faint drilling of disappointment welled up in her mind. She closed her eyes willing herself into a dreamless sleep. She had kind of expected it. He would have broken her heart anyway.

Something squeaked in the distance. Her eyes snapped open and out the corner of her eye she saw the bathroom door open, creaking on it's hinges to it's full movement.

She sat up just in time to watch Seifer saunter out of the bathroom followed by plenty of steam. He had a fluffy white towel around his waist and was drying his hair with another.

"I borrowed your shampoo, I hope you don't mind"

She shook her head dumbly as she watched a drip of water weave it's way down his torso.

A crisp knock on the door interrupted any thoughts of a repeat performance of the night before.

"I ordered you breakfast." he said smugly

The man in a blue waiters uniform pushed a hostess trolly into the room, the wheels squeaking with every movement. He lifted the silver lids from the plates after he set them down and left the room. The smell of pancakes hit Selphie's senses like a steam train.

Seifer, much to her disappointment got dressed in the bathroom whilst she was lustfully staring at the pancakes and thinking that he would taste nice covered in maple syrup. Not that he knew that.

He leant down next to her, picking up her and the bed sheet, lifting her out of bed and lowering her gently into a chair by the table and the much drooled over breakfast product.

She dove at the pancakes and devoured them like she hadn't eaten in weeks. Half way thought the second one, when suddenly remembered her manners.

"I thought you'd left this morning"

"Do you have such a low opinion of me?"

He knelt down next to her chair. Suddenly she giggled.

"You smell like me."

"I could take another shower if it bothers you."

"I like it. It's like I've marked my territory, but it's a more pleasant version of peeing on your leg."

"I'm your territory?"

He scrunched up his face. One, he didn't like being called territory and two, it didn't sound very hygienic.

Seifer shuffled backwards and finally noticed the clock.

"Shit, we'll continue this later."

He leapt up, almost knocking over the table.

"I have to get to work"

He grabbed his shoes and rushed to the door, turning back to Selphie who had a mouth full of breakfast. The vision would be in his head all day.

"I'll pick you up tonight, we'll go out to dinner."

He slammed the door, leaving her at the table.


	5. The return

The return

"I found this when I got to work."

Seifer slid a boat ticket and a note across the table towards her. The white envelope was inconspicuous. The name and address of the bar, typed, not handwritten.

"It's an invitation to the gym at Fisherman's Horizon." His voice expectant and unusually excited. "It means they've finally noticed me."

Selphie frowned, confused at his tone of voice. The only thing she'd ever heard him talk about with such enthusiasm was his gunblade and that was years ago.

"They're the best gym on the continent." He sighed at her apparent lack of knowledge. "They trained the heavyweight champ."

She shook her head slowly.

He took a deep breath. "It means I have to leave"

He grabbed her hand and held it over the table "and I'd like you to come with me"

"You want to leave?"

"Only if you come with me. I'll buy you a ticket."

He smiled at her gently, the expression more pleading than usual. Her heart clenched.

"Sure, why not." She smiled at him "I've been here too long anyway."

They were in the hotel restaurant in all it's peachy glory, trying to ignore the glares brought on by their display of affection.

Selphie let go of his hand and started to fiddle with the napkin in front of her, his voice fading into the babble of background noise.

Feelings of dread started to bubble as soon as he mentioned the word Balamb.

She downed her wine and tried to ignore the word.

True, they would to go through there to the gym at Fisherman's Horizon. She poured herself another glass of wine and downed it too. Why did she have to encourage him. So stupid.

She nodded automatically. It was the word visit further along in the conversation that made her drop her fork

"Say that again"

"We have to stay there over night. I thought we could visit old friends."

Why did she have to be so supportive.

"No" she snapped so loudly that the other people looked over and scowled.

"Why not. You'd love see Chicken again wouldn't you."

"Have you had too many blows to the head?" she whispered. "You won't leave there alive"

Selphie violently pulled apart a bread roll and glared at him over the table and the romantic candlelight.

"You gave me a second chance." Seifer said softly

"What am I going to say to them. Guess who I picked up on the way home?"

"Why not." he said and leant to the left to avoid a flying piece of bread roll.

The feelings of dread got worse as they disembarked the boat. Selphie could almost taste the bile that was threatening to erupt and that was not because of the previous mode of transportation.

She gave a smile to the boat staff and clutched Seifer's hand even tighter, crushing his fingers. He gently prised his fingers from her grip. and they went back to their normal colour.

He put his arm around her shoulders and guided her into the town. She felt like she was choking.

"You ok?"

People walked past and looking at her strangely, not like they recognised her, but like they were scared. She jammed her hat down on her head and shuffled past looking at the floor, pulling Seifer roughly by the hand behind some wooden crates.

"What was that about?"

"Nothing." she snapped

Selphie looked around the crates, but retreated as soon as she saw someone coming.

"We can follow these crates to the end, but then we're on our own."

She grabbed his hand and forced him to follow her along the back of the crates, keeping to the shadows.

She dragged him to Balamb's only hotel by the pier, her shoes hitting the concrete at double time.

She pushed open the heavy double doors, booked a room by throwing a couple of hundreds at the receptionist, grabbed the key card, rushed up the stairs and slammed the door before the impact hit and questions were asked.

She flung herself onto the double bed in the centre of the room, burying her head in the pillows that smelt of flowers.

She languidly rolled over seconds later and sat up, watching him stretch his arms that were almost pulled out of their sockets.

"What was that about?" he snapped, breaking the silence.

"Long story"

Selphie closed both eyes and flopped back onto the bed.

She could feel the glare that he was bestowing on her and his confusion.

The mini bar creaked open and the contents rattled as he removed something from the inside. A gentle cling of a glass and screw tops being opened.

She opened her eyes and sat up as he passed her a glass with brown liquid at the bottom She sipped it and scrunched up her face. Whisky.

Downing her glass, she grabbed a small bottle from the fridge, opened it and gulped half of it down.

"You going to answer me?"

"You'll need to sit down."

He sat next next to her.

"I'm famous." She said, turning to face him to gauge a reaction. his face was blank. "Well, I was."

She drank the other half of the bottle.

"When we came back, it was a disaster. We were declared heroes, but I was only doing my job. We were paraded around the planet like show ponies in the circus.

Zell and Irvine loved it. Quistis and Squall took over Garden and had to cope with thousands more applications of people who wanted to serve their country.

"That's not bad."

"It was the journalists that did it. They followed us, routed through our rubbish, made up lies. Apparently, I was getting married to a big name pop star and had 5 kids by three different dad's. I hated it, felt like a fake. After two years I left, packed my stuff and ran away. The longer I ran, the harder it was to go back."

She watched him for a reaction to her story. He frowned.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was trying to protect you."

He reached over and pushed her hair out of her eyes.

"And you came here to be with me?"

"We'll leave tomorrow, get to that gym and never come back here." Relief evident in her voice.

"If that's what you want." he said softly. "What about your friends?"

"They've probably forgotten about me by now."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Selphie awoke to bright light filtering through the curtains. She yawned and rolled over to look as the florescent numbers on the clock. She rolled over the other way to discover that the bed was cold.

He'd gone, but he'd only done what he did best. Run away.

The one time she has let her heart rule her head by telling the truth and look where it had got her.

She sat up and scanned the room, all his clothes were still hanging neatly on the back of the chair. He would be back, but she wouldn't be waiting.

"Screw you Seifer, I never wanted you anyway."

She knew in her heart that it was a lie, but saying those words out loud made her feel a bit better.

She would leave by herself, head back to Deling and forget about Balamb for good.

She got out of bed, showered, dressed and was in the middle of brushing her teeth when there was a knock at the door.

It wasn't really a knock, more of a loud bang which ricochet it's sound around the room.

She spat out the toothpaste, walked a few paces across the room and hesitated before opening the door.

The door flew open and threw her into the wall. The door closed quietly. She sunk to the floor in eye line with a pair of brown cowboy boots.

"Hello Sweetheart."

The voice was warm and comforting, popping out of a distant memory.

"Irvy?"

She took the offered hand, got up and hugged the life out the man with the very familiar face. After a few seconds, he let her go

"You have to leave." he said pushing her away.

"I've only just got here."

"Is he here?" Irvine accentuated the word he and she knew he meant Seifer.

"No." She said flatly, not wanting to go into any detail.

"Good, you have to go." He pushed her towards the window that lead out onto the balcony. "Before he comes."

Irvine rushed around the room collecting Selphie's belongings and stuffing them into her rucksack. He still looked the same, but his manner more urgent and assertive. It made her wonder what he would have been like if she has stayed. Would they have still been together? She wiped the question from her mind. The past was the past.

"I'm trying to protect you."

"Protect me from who? How does anyone know I'm here."

She sat down on the edge of the bed pulling her knees up to her shoulders like she used to do as a little girl when she was scared.

"I'm with a reporter from the local paper, we're getting married in the summer."

"Congratulations." Her voice was tinged with disappointment and her heart burned.

"I couldn't have waited my whole like for you" he said quietly, before regaining his voice

He threw the day's newspaper into the bed. Out the corner of her eye she noticed a grainy picture of her and Seifer coming off the boat.

"That means he knows about you and will be on his way."

"Who?"

"You have to go, now. No time to ask questions"

He pulled her close and swept a piece of hair behind her ear.

"I don't blame you for leaving. I'd have gone too, if I'd had the guts like you." He took a deep breath. "You were always strong Selph."

He bent down and kissed her gently on the lips. It was goodbye, he was no longer hers.

He shoved her rucksack at her and pushed her towards the balcony.

"Go, I'll hold him off for a few minutes."

Selphie had wrestled her bag over both shoulders and started to climb over the balcony when she heard the door open.

"What are you doing here?" It was a male voice that crackled with impatience.

"She's gone." Said Irvine defiantly.

"Don't interfere Irvine."

As she climbed down the balcony, she heard a smack of fist against jaw from inside the room and a crunch and she knew she was next. Her heart beat faster as she climbed. Trust Seifer to disappear when she needed him.

Her hands were slick with sweat and she started to slip on the painted metal. She was not built for this sort of thing and started to wish she'd tried harder in gym class at Trabia. She slipped again and swung in the wind, still four floors up.

Suddenly her body started to get lighter and she started to congratulate herself for being better that she thought at climbing. Then she realised that she was going the wrong way. She was being pulled up by rough hands, scraping her legs against the craggy stone. She reached the top of the balcony, instinctively grabbed it and staggered blindly into a body as she was pulled over, her vision clearing well enough to see a scar on the man's face.

"Seif?"

She knew the answer when a fist smashed into her face and everything went black.

She awoke to find herself taped tightly to a chair. Silver tape binding her wrists to the chair arms and ankles together.

She felt a slight breeze pricking her skin and found that the psycho responsible had dressed her in the red underwear she had brought for the weekend away.

The stickiness of the tape across her mouth inched into her pores, the adhesive making her feel nauseous.

She could hear the shower, steam coming out the bathroom. She shifted her position cautiously, rocking the notoriously unstable hotel issue chair.

Left, right, left, right, to get momentum. Her blood boiling, he was going to be a rag doll or a vegetable when she was through with him.

Right now she had to escape.

Left, right, left, right. the rocking more urgent. she tipped over onto the plush carpet, thick enough to muffle the sound. She crawled across the carpet, the fibres burning her knees, the chair on her back. She had to reach the telephone, call for help.

She was half way across the room when the shower switched off. She shuffled faster, but suddenly, couldn't move.

"Selphie, Selphie." The voice tutted from behind her "You're not supposed to run away and get yourself messy. After I've spent all that time making you look so pretty. What will he think when he comes back to see you all dirty."

The man laughed as he picked up the chair and set her straight again against the wall.

He finally stepped into her vision, half his body in the dark.

The tape muffled her words.

"Language Selphie. Didn't Quisty always say that?" He giggled, a hollow sound. "Now, why don't you say long time no see."

He violently ripped the tape from her mouth, leaving her top lip bleeding. He ignored it and the pain in her eyes.

"Hello Zell, long time no see." She said the words as calmly as she could with blood dripping down her chin and landing in drops on her chest.

"Glad to see that you remember me after all this time."

He turned to face her fully. He had got more muscular. His olive green vest was tight and jeans hung on his hips. It was then she noticed the left side of his body. She turned away, partly in revulsion and partly in embarrassment.

"Look at me." He spat "See these scars?" He reached up to touch the left side of his face.

Silvery snakes of scar tissue cascaded over his cheek and unfortunately across his eye which had left it milky white. His top lip missing all definition, joined into the rest of mottled mess. His left arm had seen more damage, a section of smooth skin surrounded by keloid scarring.

"They are all your fault."

"Where's Irvy?" She said after a minute silence.

Where's sweet Zell?

"That's rich. Worried about someone other than yourself." He put is face close to her, noses touching and she could feel the hate burning inside him.

"Irvy has nothing to do with this. Let him go."

"He's already gone, back to his girl. Does that make you jealous? Sorry that you left?"

"What happened to you?"

"Too many questions."

Zell unrolled a length of silver tape he had in his hands and bit into it with chipped teeth. He slapped the tape onto Selphie's mouth with ferocity and stepped back as if to admire his handiwork.

He pulled up another chair, sat backwards on it, pulled a knife out of his black boots and started to whittle the chair with the point.

"Do you realise how long I've hunted for you?"

She shook her head.

"That's a rhetorical question my sweet."

He threw the knife against the wall, it landed an inch from her head and quivered in the wall.

"Let me tell you a story." He rested his head on the top of the chair and watched her like a hawk. "Three years ago a woman called Selphie left her friends. She was weak. She wasn't the only one who hated it. We all did, but we carried on doing our jobs. We all hunted for her and when she didn't return after a year, Squall declared her dead." He said the last words with glee and a scary looking smile.

Selphie's eyes went wide.

"We had a funeral. It was common knowledge, in all the papers. We had security and everything, but the most high ranking Seed in one pace was the perfect opportunity. We were ambushed. I got this lovely souvenir and my wife lost her life."

As he talked he routed around the minibar and downed most of the small bottles, their lives extinguished to fuel the ravings of a madman.

Selphie shifted in her seat, sweat from the capture and adrenaline had de-solved part of the glue. She rubbed her bonds against the the chair. If she could get her hands free, she could take him down or at least try.

She gazed at him in what she hoped was sympathy not disgust in a fruitless attempt to stop him from doing anything stupid.

"I trailed you to to Trabia and to Deling darling" He spat out the last word "Where you picked up your murderer. I didn't think you'd have the nerve to come back here after so long my little traitor."

He walked over to the wall and pulled out the knife, plaster fell from the wall.

"He won't want you if you're dead. Two birds with one stone. Revenge for my wife, revenge for my friends."

He stepped forward and gently placed the knife against the side of her neck, below her ear.

"Standard issue insurgent weapon. How my wife died."

She could feel the point against her skin and the sharpness as it moved across her throat, slicing through flesh like butter. She held her breath, refusing to flinch as the blood joined the liquid that had already congealed on her chest.

She shuddered as he smiled.

He pressed harder, the thin trickle turning into a torrent. All she could hear was the blood rushing in her ears. She slumped forwards

"I want to hear your dying words. Is that a problem?"

He raised his arm slightly to make his final motion at her throat when he suddenly slumped to the floor

"You ok Darlin'?"

Selphie raised her head. A small movement. Her rescuer was standing in front over her, behind the fallen figure, holding a vase. He put it down on the floor.

"Don't move." He pressed a sheet against her neck, it changed colour instantly.

Her memory over written by the pain, her eyes questioning.

"Irvy?" She rasped

He nodded.

"We have to go before he wakes up."

He undid the tape and helped her up. She looked like she'd been in an abattoir.

He dressed her in jeans and a sweater, put an arm around her shoulders and half dragged her out of the room and down the corridor.

The wind bit into her cut as soon as she stepped outside. She sunk to the ground.

"We have to get you to hospital." Irvine urged

"No, get me to Squall. It's only a couple of inches, I'll live."

She breathed in deeply, Squall would know what to do. Not that she would know what to say to him.

"We need to patch you up."

She fainted in his arms. He picked her up and carried her to a small brick house near the pier. He pushed open the door and gently laid Selphie down on the sofa

"Rin" he shouted and a short brunette walked through the door from the kitchen.

"This is not how I wanted you to meet, but this is Selphie."

The woman's face darkened with rage.

"She's in trouble." he said cutting her off as a way of placating her. "She was attacked

They sat in silence for a minute. The woman on the sofas breathing shallowed

"Ok, get me the medical kit."

The tension in the room rose as Turin skilfully sewed up Selphie's injury. For a while Irvine could not bring himself to breathe.

"He's not a bad person you know." he whispered in Selphie's ear as his fiancee injected her with green antibiotics and anaesthetic.

Selphie slept for five hours. Irvine and Turin taking it in turns to wipe her head with a damp cloth listening to her delirious ramblings about the guy who let her down.

The sun filtered through the curtains when Selphie finally came to.

"I have to get to Squall" She murmured, her voice dry.

She started to get up, but fell back again

"You can't go anywhere. You're dosed up to the gills."

Selphie turned towards a voice she didn't know

"Irvy, I have to go. Zell's dangerous and I have to find Seifer before anything happens to him.

She had never thought she would think those words, let alone say them.

Selphie reached to her neck and felt the large rectangular bandage. it was puffy beneath her fingers, she applied gentle pressure and winced.

"Who did this?"

"I'm Turin" She pushed some pills into Selphie's hand "Take two an hour to fight infection."

"Thank you for your help, but I have to go"

Selphie hobbled to the door. Irvine followed behind her. He stopped her as she stepped over the threshold.

"You don't have to. He's not a bad person. He just wanted someone to blame and as you weren't there, he fixated on you."

"He's crazy. She said in a forced whisper. "He tried to kill me and he could kill others too"

"I don't think so. Let me come with you, you can barely walk."

"Stay here and take care of Turin."

Selphie left, not looking back at the man who she once loved and to find the one she for some reason still cared about, though why was a complete mystery.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Selphie staggered up the hill towards Garden. A tree rustled to her right, seconds later she was pulled through shrubbery of Balamb forest, twigs scratching her skin, leaves tangling in her hair. She landed with a thump in a small clearing surrounded by trees.

Her eyes shrouded over with a red mist and she swiped at whatever she could with her fists, landing one on something soft. Grabbing it she flipped whatever it was onto the floor.

"Selph" A male voice snapped

It was a voice she recognised. Adrenaline fading, she dropped the floor.

"Selphie,"

She opened her eyes to see Seifer, his face frowning in concern. His battered grey trench coat open covering bare chest, low slung combats and army boots giving the impression of an action hero, which she knew he wasn't.

He eyed her blood covered sweater and mud stained jeans, finally looking her in the eyes, noticing the white bandage on the side of her neck.

"What happened to you?" He said, reaching towards her.

"Get the hell away from me" She shouted and rolled away on the leaf strewn floor. "You walked out. If you'd stayed, I wouldn't be in this mess. Where the hell were you?"

He got up off his knees and walked gingerly towards her

"I went out to think things over, I was..."

A loud groan ricochet off the trees. Selphie followed the noise, stopping when she spotted someone tied to a tree with vines and gagged with Seifer's white vest. It was a blonde man, covered in blood.

As she took a step closer, she noted that his lip was split and the congealed blood of a head injury spattered on the left side of his face though not severe enough to mask his previous injuries. She stepped back

"Is that who I think it is?" She stuttered

"I was on my way back to find you, to apologise for being a dick. He was heading up the hill to Garden. He said he'd hurt you" His voice was so soft, she had to strain to hear.

Selphie walked up to Zell and lifted his face. She looked into his eyes, the innocent Zell she once knew was no longer there. His one useable eye, cold and hard.

She raised her right fist and smashed him in the face. She hit him again in the jaw, and once on his nose, the cartilage shattering. All the time she was screaming. raising her fist again and again, blood spattering against her sweater. His face slowly getting more and more mangled. She raised her fist again, but found she was unable to move it. She turned her head to half face Seifer.

"That's enough Selphie." his voice commanding.

He let go of her blood stained fist. She spun around to face him, eyes flashing with rage.

"He tried to kill me."

"I know."

He put his arms around her shoulders and held her against his chest. She struggled, but relented, drained from the now extinguished anger.

"But, this isn't you.' He said "The pain will go for a few hours, then it will be back. Believe me I know."

"When did you become such a sap?"

He let her go for a second, and tilted her chin up to face him.

"There's something about you that drives me crazy and you've got to stick around until I find out what it is."

She kissed him, hard enough to making him step backwards to keep his balance.

He pulled away.

"I can't believe I'm going to say this, but we need to see Squall." He said

"Where did you think I was going?"

They waited until darkness shrouded the landscape before they left the forest. Zell had woken up several times, but one quick hit from Selphie, put him out again. They left him tied to a tree in the opinion that a bit of cold would be good for him.

Selphie clutched Seifer's hand as Garden loomed into view. It still looked the same, even though she wasn't.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"I have to protect you and Irvine. He tried to help me escape, he could be in danger."

"We could leave Zell tied to to the tree"

"He was my best friend. If we tell Squall, he could help and make Zell better."

They walked in silence, only stopping when they reached Garden. The place was silent, lit only by floodlights from the front entrance.

"No guards." said Selphie, breathless from the movement. She took two pills from her pocket and dry swallowed them.

"It's ok." She squeezed Seifer's hand. "I won't let anything happen to you." She grinned slightly as his face contorted into a scowl.

"I have a plan." she said. "We'll sneak through the hangar, take out the security and take the service lift to Squall's office."

Or, we could use the old D.C entrance on the left side, that was we avoid security and get up to the office using the back stairs."

"Know it all." she laughed, remembering about the pain in her neck when the skin around it stretched. But, it felt good that she could still do it. "Fine, we'll do your plan genius."

"Glad you're finally admitting it. Let's go and see if his royal highness has developed a personality since I've been away."

"You can be such an asshole sometimes."

"But you still want me." he smirked

"A girl can change her mind.

He stood there as she walked off, snorted at her remark, then followed her.

They were silent during the time it took to ascend the back stairs. Selphie's breathing staggered and ragged.

When she reached the top, she grabbed his hand tightly.

"What am I going to say to him?"

"Look who I picked up on the way home." he said flippantly, a mirror of their conversation in the Deling restaurant that felt like such a long time ago.

She wished she could talk to herself at that moment and tell herself to say no, to stay in the city and live happily ever after. Too late now.

They pushed the double doors of Squall's office open together. The commander was sitting behind a large mahogany desk sorting paperwork. He didn't look any different that the last time she saw him, a little more haggard maybe. Stress can do that to you. He took one look at the intruders in his office and bolted out the room before his chair could even hit the floor.

"I forgot he could move that fast." Selphie said

The looked out into the now empty corridor.

"Stay here." She pushed Seifer back into the room. "I'll find him."

She left the room, but popped her head around the door as an afterthought "Don't touch anything"

He rolled his eyes and have her a mock salute. She jogged down the corridor,

"Here I come, ready or not." She shouted down the corridor, ready to play her favourite game. The fact that this might be fun slowly crossed her mind.

The crowds parted or ran away pale as she passed them. She ignored them, only after one person.

After searching all the rooms, she ended up at the Quad, her favourite place in Garden.

"Where are you Squally boy?"

The whole quad became like statues, dropping whatever they were doing to watch her storm around, getting angrier at every step.

Out the corner of her eye she noticed a tall leafy pot plant moving. There was no wind in the quad.

Selphie crept up behind the figure who was trying to make himself as inconspicuous as possible.

"You killed me." She whispered in his ear in a voice ready to spit bullets.

Squall jumped at this intrusion into his personal space and knocked the plant over. Mud and broken pot flying everywhere.

"What are you doing here?" he said blandly as he got up.

We were on our way to F.H. to get to the gym and had to stop over here. Everything was going really well then I had a run in with Zell, who's completely psycho which you've probably noticed."

Squall's expression flinched at the mention of Zell.

They walked back to Squall's office in silence. Selphie took a deep breath in anticipation of fall out as she opened the door. They both saw the mess at the same second. Seifer had his feet on the desk and all the previously stacked papers were on the floor.

"Where is he now?" Said Squall, ignoring the mess and his old enemy.

"Tied to a tree in Balamb forest."

A matter of fact answer by the blonde.

Squall walked over to his desk, pushed Seifer out of his chair and picked up the phone.

The blonde got up and went to stand by Selphie who leant against his side and let him put an arm around her shoulders.

Squall dialled slowly, never looking away from them for more than a second.

"Send a retrieval team to Balamb forest. Collect Zell and bring him back here with maximum guard. Put him in the far wing with round the clock guard detail. He's psycho apparently."

Squall slammed the door down.

Do you think I'm going to attack him?" Seifer sneered

"For your protection, not his."

Squall pressed a button in the intercom on his desk.

"Please take our guests to the nurse to see to any injuries and then to the central dormitories."

"Yes sir." a cracked voice replied

The door opened seconds later and a smartly dressed, but young Seed ushered them out of the room.

"Nice to see you Squall." Said Selphie as they left.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Selphie opened one of her eyes and blinked slowly anticipating the bright light from the hotel window, but all that hit her was grey.

It finally dawned on her that they were in Balamb, Garden to be precise. She'd hoped it was a nightmare.

She sat up and breathed fast in panic, feeling for her bandage. it had gone, replaced by neat stitches The nurse even praised Turin's handiwork. She would have to tell Irvine, if they ever got out of there alive.

She obviously, wasn't one of Squall's favourite people at the moment.

She prodded the blonde man sleeping next to her who grunted and rolled over, taking the duvet with him. Snorting, she swung her legs over the bed, resigning herself to the cold, after the day before, she really didn't want an argument.

She padded to the bathroom, silently thanking Squall for the en suite, so she didn't have to go out of the room to the communal bathroom and be stared at like a freak show.

The water hit the shower tiles, washing all her aches, but not drowning the sullen atmosphere that permeated through the floor and walls. It was like the building that had taken care of her for so long now saw her as the enemy.

She turned off the shower, wrapped an fluffy white towel around herself and shuffled from the steamy room, only to notice Seifer sitting on the bed holding a letter.

"It's from Squall." he said sourly "He wants to see you."

"Oh"

"He wants to explain." Seifer continued

"I'll have to see him. No choice."

"I'll come too."

"No." she snapped "This is my responsibility."

"If he upsets you, he'll be leaving Garden out the highest window."

She knew that promising violence was his way of showing concern, but she didn't anticipate the look of fear in his eyes. That was a new one. She gently kissed him on the lips.

"Seify, I'll be ok."

He looked up and gave her a half smile

"I'll be waiting."

She didn't bother knocking when she got to the office, just opened the door and barged straight in.

"Why didn't you warn me?" said Squall, looking up from his paperwork.

"You would have over-reacted" she said, sitting down on the chair opposite.

"I would have had a few seconds to get used to the idea."

"I could say the same for you. You killed me." her voice raised an octave

"If it's any conciliation, it was a lovely funeral, everyone wore yellow."

"It isn't, people died.".

"You left, we couldn't find you. What was I supposed to do? I wanted to protect you."

Squall stood up and slid around the desk. He sat on the corner facing her.

"What about me. You could have stayed for me."

"It was one date. It wasn't going anywhere. Anyway, you had Rinoa."

"Maybe you thought that. When you left, part of me died"

Selphie shuffled in her seat, she'd had no idea he felt that way.

"She went to the orphanage just after you left."

"What's going to happen to Zell? He might hurt others." She said, changing the subject that was getting more awkward by the second.

"We'll take care of him."

"You didn't seem surprised."

They sat in silence, listening to nothing but the birds outside the open window. Squall leant towards her, his face inches from hers.

"That's because I was the one who sent him."


	9. I'll trade your heart for my soul

Chapter Nine

I'd trade your heart for my soul

He paused, the room silent again, his eyes devoid of emotion. He took a deep breath.

"I told Zell to kill your boyfriend. Something cruel and unusual."

"You deal in assassins now?" Selphie's voice was calmer than she felt.

"Needs must. We lost a lot of good Seed during the war.

"How did you know he was here?"

"I sent Zell to follow you" his words were sad. "I only did it for you, so you would come back and be with me."

Back into his self delusion. His words biting at her conscience.

"You found him for us." He snapped.

All feelings of pity dying in an instant. Her face paled in realisation. It was her fault.

He had been trying to hide, to live a life away from trouble and she'd put him straight back in it, by encouraging him to have a life.

"I sent the invitation, just one ticket, thought he would come alone. I tipped off the press as confirmation. I didn't realise Zell had an ulterior motive until Irvine showed me the newspaper cutting and I sent him to save you. I'm sorry." He tacked the last words on the end, his eyes not emulating his apology.

"Sorry, won't make this scar go away.

Her heart burned and the world cracked.

"I need to talk to Quisty." She shouted, anger burning in her words. "She would never let you do this."

"She was Zell's wife" His voice held no feeling.

She shrank into the seat in stunned silence.

"It's ok Selph."

He leant forwards and kissed her. The last action of a desperate man. She kissed him back for a second, her head throbbed in confusion. Only leaping back into focus when he forced his tongue in her mouth.

She backed away falling back off the chair. She scrabbled to her feet and stood to face him.

"I did it all for you." His voice was pleading.

"You didn't do it for me. You did it for your ego and a pathetic need for revenge. It's been five years, let it go."

"I can't." Squall's voice was quiet "What does he have that I don't?"

"He has never tried to hide the fact that he was and sometimes still is a pathetic excuse for a human being. He's never tried to be anything other than who he is and because of that he's never let me down in the way you just have."

Squall averted his eyes.

"People have faith in you. I had faith that you would be able to make things right. You're the people's hero, but you use a damaged man in your own twisted game and act surprised when he goes off plan. You're just as deluded as he is."

"I told you, I didn't know that he was going to hurt you. I wouldn't have let him. I just wanted the man who tortured me and killed my friends gone for good.

"Seifer isn't some inconvenience for you to get rid of"

"Why not. He should have been dead years ago. He just went off the radar. We looked into his life, he has no-one."

"He has me." Her words were defiant.

"You love him don't you?"

"Maybe I do" she spat.

He'd lost. She's lost a friend.

It wasn't until she had spoken was she realised the words to enrage Squall were actually true. Her heart skipped. She ran out the room, not looking back.

She slipped her keycard in the door of their room, it slid open to reveal Seifer pacing the floor.

"What did he say?" Seifer stopped walking.

She stood in the doorway in anticipation.

"He kissed me"

Seifer started striding towards the door, his face dark. Selphie reached out and put her hand on his arm.

"Sit down. Please"

They sat on the edge of the bed

"Did you kiss him back?"

"Kinda"

He started to get up again, but sat back down sadly

"Did you enjoy it?"

"He did mean a lot to me once, but I turned him down. Told him I was in love with you."

Then he started to laugh.

"You turned down the Commander of Garden? For me?"

It tore into her heart, leaving gaping holes. How dare he think that her feelings were a joke. If only he knew how much she had given up to be with him. How she had lost her friends. The secrets she would keep from him.

"It's not funny" She snapped pushing him backwards, his head missing the wall by centimetres. "I said that I love you, you dumb shit."

He was still laughing, he shouldn't be doing that. The red mist clouded her vision, she reached forward to slap him, but her hand stopped mid movement. She found her fingers intertwined in his.

"Say it again."

"Why should I?" she demanded, letting go of his hand.

"I want to hear you say it."

"So you can laugh again, no thanks."

"I won't"

"I don't trust you."

"That's ok. I wouldn't either."

She took his hand.

"I love you."

"I wouldn't"

"You exist to me, you always will."

Later that afternoon they were escorted to Squall's office by the same Seed. Selphie clutched Seifer's hand.

Squall sat behind his desk and looked her in the eye. From the look of relief on his face he had realised that she hadn't told Seifer anything. He smiled gratefully, but she looked away in disgust, before the blonde noticed their expressions.

"Sit down" He snapped.

"No Quistis?" Seifer asked

"She's on mission."

Squall indicated to the chairs set at the other side of the desk. Selphie spotted Irvine standing in the corner, his jaw an ugly shade of purple.

She gazed around the room, wishing that Quistis was there. She stifled a sob of pain, not wanting to draw attention to the loss of one of her friends.

She drew a faltering breath as she watched Seifer cross the room to address Irvine.

"Thanks for taking care of her."

They shook hands. Passing the baton, to the one who had her heart.

He joined Selphie on her side of the desk. To his credit, he sat quietly. She squeezed his hand.

"This is how its going to go. You're going out on that balcony to say to the press that you are both lookalikes I hired to make them look stupid. You are then going leave and never come back.

Seifer's face was dark with rage.

"It wouldn't be like this if she hadn't turned you down" He snapped

"But she did" Squall said shortly "If she had wanted to be with me, you would have been dead by lunchtime."

Irvine to flinched at the callous remark.

As they got up to go out onto the balcony, Selphie whispered into Seifer's ear and he left alone.

She leant close to Squall, he smelt of vanilla.

"I need you to get him into the gym as a legitimate contender. I know he's good enough. If he ever learns the truth, you'll be dead where you stand."

The threat was the last thing she would ever say to him. Sacrificing herself for the good of Garden. Everyone still needed to believe that he was a good guy.

**One year later**

Selphie stood in the main doorway of the gym, hand on her large bump, taking up most of the width of the doorway.

She still thought of her friends, even received an invitation to Irvy's wedding. She went undercover. Didn't tell Seifer. Two secrets from him now.

She watched him shadow box in the ring for a few minutes, reminding her of Zell. Seifer even had the weird look on his face that Zell used to have. She sadly touched her neck where she could still feel the scar.

She waddled towards the ring, intentionally in the blonde's eye line.

He noticed her and stopped to vault over the ropes and land beside her heavily.

"How are my girls?"

She rubbed her stomach

"It might be a boy."

"A mini-me" He said proudly

"In that case, please let it be a girl."

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her gently on the lips.

"Put her down." The gym owner, -recognisable from his pictures on the wall- a short but muscular man with slicked back hair, was world champion three times over until he retired and opened the gym.

"You're up next."

"Gotta go"

"I'm here to watch, so you'd better win" She shouted to him as he picked up his gloves.


End file.
